Updated: Feb 21
By Virginia Gilbert, Contributor Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist 01/18/2017 12:17pm EST | Updated January 18, 2017
Going through a high-conflict divorce is like living with a chronic illness. There are periods of relative calm, followed by stretches of gut-twisting agony. Flare-ups consume you and peaceful moments make you wonder when the next bomb will be tossed. When dealing with a high-conflict ex, the only thing that's certain is that this person will not change. He is a drama addict, and to get his fix he will bad-mouth, cyber-bully, manipulate children, remain gainfully unemployed, perform feats of vanishing-income magic, threaten litigation, twist words, cast aspersions, steal your thunder, all while managing to convince the public he is Father Of The Year. If, somehow, your ex were able to stop her shenanigans, she would have to deal with her own shortcomings. And what fun is that? She needs a target on which to project her sense of personal failure, and that target, unfortunately, is you.
Forever. Now that you know your ex is not going to have an Aha Moment, and you will remain together till death do you part, you must examine your own actions and thought patterns that keep you engaged in a losing battle. You must change the way you relate to your ex, both in the real world, and in your head. How you interact with your ex is a habit, and breaking any habit takes discipline. Set aside five minutes in the morning and before bed to meditate. You don't need an altar and incense to do this. You just need to reflect on the things you can do to feel less crazy. You need to stop letting thoughts of your ex take up so much space in your head, and swap them out for empowering mantras. Read on for a sample of conscious intentions — and how practicing them can improve your life.